Cowboy Up for Diabetes Party!

You're invited to our 6th Annual Texas Roadhouse Fundraiser Dinner!

Let's knock the boots off diabetes!

If you would like to come please e-mail me for the address of the park. I don't think it would be wise to actually publish the address here. I know, for some reason I'm like that (ha, ha).

9 already?!?

Nine years ago I became a mommy to this awesome little dude. Isn't he so stinking cute?!? I think so too. I cannot even believe that he's 9! Last night as I was getting ready for bed, I was thinking about what we were doing 9 years ago, and as I thought about it, it was as if it were yesterday. I remember what I was wearing, what color scrubs I wore to work, what movies we watched, and watching everyone on the news turning in their tax forms. I just really can't believe that this all happened 9 years ago.

Happy Birthday to the worlds most awesome, baseball player ever! We love you to the moon and back, Tanner!

Panic, Panic, Panic

Okay so for the last three months I have been away trying to take care of some personal needs, it has really been hell, literally. I've hated it, I've hated who it made me be, I hated seeing my boys suffer because I let this illness get so bad. I honestly never thought in a million, gazillion years I would be the one taken down by a panic disorder. I have been on so many medications, our medicine cabinet looked like a 90 year old lived here. Some of the medications made me so sick, I lost about 25 pounds (it's baaaack though, and it sucks!), I was nauseated ALL the time (people thought I was pregnant, and I had actually WISHED that's what the case was, it was SOO bad). There were times I had to call Aaron in the middle of the store and have him walk me through these attacks (it was horrible!). I've even had to leave a basket full of groceries because an attack had started. Let me just say I have the most AMAZING husband, and boys and family. They might not fully understand what I am going through, but I have a hand to hold through these times.

If I could change the title of the book the "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No good, very bad day", it would be called "Crystal and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad 3 months". The panic got so bad, I had to rely on others to help take care of my little family, which was SOOOO hard for me to do, that being said my little Brenner's blood sugar has been out of control. Please pray for us to get him under control again. Like I said before I didn't know that panic could seriously debilitate someone this bad. I had no clue who this monster was inside me, and I'm still trying to figure it out. My medication I am on currently, seems like it might be the winner (fingers crossed), but I am still pretty heavily medicated. So yep, that means I have a TON of restrictions, and it sucks rocks!

We have had to miss out on a lot of things due to this stupid disorder, but I'm hoping to see the light at the end of this tunnel and get my butt back out and start running again. I just hope this doesn't affect my littles. I love those boys so much, and I have been SO blessed to have Aaron around. He has had to be the mom and dad, and it kills me. It kills me to have to sit back and watch, but I learned from a really good friend of mine, that these trials and struggles help us get stronger (I'm just worried about what's next -ha, ha). Like I need any more worries, that's what got me here in the first place.

I'm sitting here waiting for time to pass so I can check on my little man. His blood sugars have been sooooo bizarre. Today his blood sugar has been reading HI (which means he's been over 600 for about 6 hours--SCARY), I'm waiting for my two hour mark to check him, so I can sleep and pass him off to Aaron for a couple hours. This little kid worries me, he worries Tanner, and he worries his dad. We just applied for a Diabetes Alert Dog for our Brenner and we are praying and crossing our fingers for one of these awesome dogs, but for right now I'm Brenner's diabetes alert mom. The panic has set in, and it'll probably last until the morning when I know my little guy is okay.

Through all of this, I've learned that medicine is okay to take. I've never been fond of taking medications because I didn't want to be one of those people (ha, ha), but I know that there is a reason for these medications. I still HATE being on medications and can't wait to get back to my "normal", but for the time I'm getting there. I've had an awesome friend that has helped me through a lot of this, and I've had an awesome co-worker/friend that has helped me off the side since right now we are uninsured. I'm telling ya, this has sucked, but we sure have been blessed. It has seriously made our family stronger, prayers will be answered, and one day we will see the light again.

5 years later… we're still smiling

18, 250 finger pokes

12, 950 insulin injections

6 trips to the Primary Children's ER

2 trips by ambulance

14,600 hours of sleep deprivation

$65,000 in medical bills

Countless times of being yelled at, at restaurants by "educated" people about how I should take care of my son's diabetes.

Keeping this little boy of ours alive…. PRICELESS

5 years ago, our lives changed forever. It was a day of sadness, and a day that we learned we could still live a somewhat normal life. I hate to think of my son as "different" because on the outside he doesn't look different. He doesn't have a broken leg, he doesn't walk silly, he doesn't look different, but he IS different on the inside. He is such a happy kid, and is determined to help educate others (sometimes silently) about juvenile diabetes. He is very disciplined and knows when he can, and when he can't have sugar. What 7 year old turns down sugar?!?

These past 5 years with diabetes haven't been THAT bad, but we haven't liked diabetes. We've always had the motto "Diabetes doesn't have us, we HAVE diabetes!" We try our hardest to make diabetes "nothing" to our little Brenner. It is something, a very big thing, but we don't let our Brenner see the "behind the scenes", he already feels some of the weight.

Today as we celebrate Brenner's 5 year diagnosis, he's requested cupcakes with no frosting. Again, what kid doesn't want frosting? A kid that knows what it feels like to have a high blood sugar. We are taking him bowling, and then to his favorite restaurant (he'll surprise us later, he says -ha, ha). We make this day about him and his diabetes. I know a lot of people may think it's weird, but we don't. This is a new lifestyle this little boy has had to live with since the age of 2. We party because we've made it this far, we party because we are so close to finding a cure for juvenile diabetes, we party because we love this kid.

Happy 5 year Diabetes Anniversary Brenner! We love you!

It's been too long...

Wow, I just decided to look over my blog andI realized that I hadn't blogged since 2011, and what makes it worse, is the last time was in OCTOBER! Oops!

I'll hurry and try to get what's been "blogging" me down (ha, ha) really quickly, but if it doesn't turn into a really quickly, I'm sorry.

On October 13, just one day after my cute little Brenner's birthday, I found myself in the ER twice. One doctors diagnosis was a TIA (for short, mini-strokes), and another doctors diagnosis was anxiety. Neither one gave me any direction or medication to take, so I thought I was on my way to getting better.

On October 15, Aaron decided to run a half marathon, and he did freaking awesome! He ran 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 56 minutes, not too shabby for running his first half marathon in 20 years. I was so proud of him!

I followed up with a neurologist to see about this possible TIA, so the neurologist ran more tests on me, I kinda felt important for a while (ha, ha). After spending 5 hours in the neurologists office, all my results came back negative for a TIA, but they were still concerned about me. I was put on a TON of restrictions, and I was really bummed, the next week I was supposed to run the Provo Halloween Half Marathon with the hubs, and his family. They (the neurologist) told me that I couldn't, I was beyond bummed. Well guess what, after seeing all my results and such, I was able to complete the marathon with my hubby right next to me. It was

awesome!

Well since the marathon things started to get worse. So I called my awesome friend/co-worker and talked to her about everything that was going on. Her diagnosis was a little different, but not too far from the last diagnosis. I have been dealing with a severe panic disorder. It has been the worst 4 months I have ever had to go through in my life. The worst part was, I had let my anxiety get out of control so bad, that now I was dealing with panic as well as anxiety.

So now I'm the guinea pig for medications to help my panic disorder, and it hasn't been fun. At one time, I really didn't know who I was. I felt helpless, I felt like I was going crazy. I will tell you this though, I've never seen the fear in my boys' eyes like they've had when I have these attacks. They're scared for me, and at the time I couldn't console them. It broke my heart. I'm supposed to be the tough mom that doesn't let her boys see her cry. This made me cry, and it s

till makes me cry, and I cry all the time. Anyways I will post more about this because I have found that A LOT of people are trying to deal with this without medications, and guess what?!? This is why we have medications. I know if it weren't for my FREAKING AWESOME husband and two cute boys, and this awesome friend Martha, I probably wouldn't be here.

I will say this, I have had to step back from a lot of social networking because some of the added stress was from those social networking sites. I HATE drama, and I HATE feeling like I'm back in high school.

Anyways, what has gone on the last part of 2011….

This was our Halloween costume… (ha, ha)

Tanner played flag football this last fall (I know I'm so far behind). He WAS awesome, and had about 35 "tackles"/ flag pulls on other opponents. He was the quickest kid on the team, no joke. As soon as the other team could hike the ball Tanner was already on the quarterback. His team went undefeated and he was so proud of that.

Tanner started Jr. Jazz, and is loving it. He is all over the court trying to get a hold of that ball. He gets a little frustrated because he's supposed to stick with his opponent, but he just really wants to keep the other team from scoring. He plays with a bunch of kids from school and I think he loves playing with them.

Brenner is also playing Jr. Jazz as well. My dad and one of my brothers, Todd are his coaches for his team. His cousin Drew was on the team, but Drew's mom, Courtney (my niece) just graduated with her RN and moved back "home" to Mesquite to their beautiful home, her husband has been taking care of. Anyways, Brenner has loved having my dad and my brother as his coach. Their team is undefeated and Brenner is so proud. Brenner is a basketball player/cheerleader, every time he scores a point he dances down the court. If you've ever watched "Good Luck, Charlie" on the Disney Channel, Brenner gets his moves from the mom (ha, ha). We love that show.

Anyways, we had an awesome Christmas. Santa was good to these boys, and I think their mom and dad spoiled them just a little. We weren't going to, but you can't pass up a good deal. These boys have been asking for a TV for their room (they have never stayed in their room a full night since birth, and I know it's sad, but it didn't bother Aaron or I -ha, ha). Anyways, we bought them a TV… a 32" screen TV. Since then, they have slept in their room all night, checking blood sugars (are killing us- ha, ha). I was a little jealous because their TV is better than ours (ha, ha-I'm kidding, but it really is). They also were surprised to see that we bought them a XBox 360 & Kinect. We had told them that Christmas would be small this year due to Aaron being out of a job, but we had a pretty awesome deal come up and couldn't pass up this XBox. Our Christmas was great, well what I could remember (ha, ha).

We spent New Years this year with my family (different than our past years at the hotel) and it was a blast, just to be with family. We are excited to see what 2012 will bring.

As of yesterday, we ALL are in school now, and still looking for jobs (well Aaron is for right now). Aaron is still pushing on towards his Engineering degree, and he's doing awesome. He's working his butt of, and also looking for a job (we keep praying someone will call). I am going to school as well (I'm trying to do as much as I can online), but I'm gonna get my RN!! I'm excited! Tanner and Brenner are still going to school, yes I know an 8 & 7 year old pretty much don't have a choice. They love school though, and their teachers. We have been so blessed to have such awesome teachers for our boys.

That's all that's really gone on. Due to this "awesome" (not really) diagnosis with me, we've tried to keep a lot of things low key. Hopefully when I'm out of this rut, this blog will be as awesome as ever!

Happy 7th Birthday Brenn!

Isn't he so stinking cute?!?

I can't believe that my little baby is 7 today. It's a bitter-sweet day for me, I hate seeing my boys grow up, I want them to stay little, but it is SOOO much fun to watch them grow up. As I sit here and think about the last 7 years, there is no way I would go back and change anything. We have had so much fun with this little guy, he means so much to our family. This kid is as tough as nails, and I'm not joking.

As we have been getting ready for Brenner's birthday, I have asked him what he would like to do for his birthday, his reply... "go to school, duh!" He loves school, and he loves his teacher. I had mentioned to Aaron a couple days ago something about bringing Brenner lunch to school. We thought it would be fun to have something different other than the bag lunch he gets everyday. So tonight I asked him what he would like to have for lunch, his reply "Well, could I maybe have school lunch tomorrow?" I was totally expecting something like "Oh Chick-Fil-A", but no, he wants to have school lunch. Having school lunch is a treat for Brenner, since he's been in school we've learned that the carb counts aren't exactly right, so that messes up his blood sugar readings, so instead of making a big deal out of it with the school, we've decided to send Brenner with cold lunch. He never complains about anything, as long as he is with his friends, all is well. I should add, every day Aaron and I go and sit with Brenner at lunch to make sure he eats everything in his sack (he didn't one day, and his blood sugar dropped insanely low), but he doesn't mind having his parents there to accompany him at lunch, even with his friends around. I asked him one day, if it bugged him that I came to lunch every day with him, he shook his head "no" and said "I love it!" Man, I am so dang lucky to have this kid that doesn't mind his parents looking over his shoulder (ha, ha). Tanner all of the sudden has become independent and "too cool" to hug his mom (ha, ha).

I had asked Brenner a couple days ago, what we should do for his birthday. His eyes got really big, and said "how about we invite all our friends and family for cake and ice cream?!?" Yep, another reply I was but wasn't expecting. The kid LOVES Boondocks and I really thought that would be the topic of conversation, but then again I remembered that I was talking to the boy that also LOVES to have his family (Grandmas, Grandpas, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, you get the point) around. He loves to laugh, and he has some pretty awesome cousins and uncles that fulfill that love Brenner has. So after Aaron get's out of school, we're gonna have a party! Wahoo!

As I sit here and think about the life Brenner has had so far, I am so blessed to have such an understanding little boy. Since his diagnosis with diabetes we've had our up's and our downs, and through it all, even when the little guy is in a serious life threatening situation, we can always find a smile on that little guy's face. Tonight I took him to pick out his cake, and as we looked at cakes, I said to him "Well, which one do you like?" He looked at me and asked "Can we get cake without frosting? I just don't want to make my blood sugar crazy." That right there broke my heart, this kid is constantly thinking about his health (which is good, but it makes me sad that he has to think about that). He is really responsible when it comes to his diabetes, he will ask how many carbs are in something, if he can have a treat that will help his blood sugar, or he will defer a treat because of how much sugar is in it. I look at him and think (and say) "Wow, I don't think even I have that kind of discipline." I learn so much from this little boy (and his brother) EVERY day. I am so lucky to have this little boy as part of my life, and I am thankful that Heavenly Father trusted us enough to send him to us.

Brenner, we hope you have a fabulous birthday. We hope you get to do whatever you want to do today. Thanks for being the best little 7 year old Brenner we could have. We LOVE you to the moon and back, more than chocolate, and to infinity and beyond.

Happy Birthday Brenn!

Love,
Dad, Mom and Tanner

Not just a cold...

About a week ago, Tanner came down with a cough, and just a cough. I thought it was kinda odd that he would get this cough in the middle of the summer, but hey our sometimes we get thrown us off just a tad bit. I mean, life would be so boring if everything worked out just as we planned. Well Tanner's cough persisted, and then he was just really tired. We had cousins sleep over, and he just sat on the couch. He was worn out. I hate seeing my kids sick! We decided to venture on over to the doctors office to get this checked out, not just because it was a cough, but something about a "mother's intuition." Well after hanging out in the office, we found out that this little guy was REALLY working to breathe. This poor kid has asthma, allergies, as well as a cold on top of everything. The poor kid, no wonder why he's been so dang tired. He's a "little" excited to start using his new inhaler.


We were hoping Brenner wouldn't catch this cold, but he has. It started out with just a cough, but within the day, he was beyond tired. I will be doing a post on that in just a few minutes, stay tuned for that one (ha, ha).


Now he has something that we get to carry around in mom's purse, wahoo! (ha, ha).